An in-law gives me a look…

December 21, 2010

…and it’s got me wondering.

Family function at my brother’s the other day: his wife has a niece (18-19) who’s a HB8-9. I’ve occasionally gotten a look from the Niece that had me nervous, but the last one has me downright worried.

I don’t want to be the Creepy Uncle; truth be told, I think (*IF* I am reading her correctly) she might be focusing on me because my brother is married to her aunt. This would be an explosive situation if it progressed. Fortunately, these family get togethers are infrequent–the best course of action is to ignore it, and hope that her current boyfriend keeps her otherwise occupied.

But…damn, it’s been a loooooong time since I got that look from a woman. It makes you feel young (well, younger).


I guess that’s one reason we don’t hook up…

December 12, 2010

The Journalist swung by the desk last week for some idle chit chat, and she started griping about the person she was waiting for:

“I can’t believe this guy is taking so long. I would never let my boyfriend or husband make me wait like this.”

I give her a sidelong glance; “Really?”

She didn’t notice my look–far too busy checking her Iphone for messages. “Yeah.”

I saw the guy she was waiting for get off the elevator. “I guess that’s one reason we don’t hook up.”

Her eyes went round as saucers. Whatever response she might have made was cut off by the arrival of her associate. I have no idea if she looked back at me– I got busy with my own work. Whether she knew it or not, she just eliminated herself from “the pool of potentials”. If I have learned one thing from the Roissysphere/Manosphere, it is this: Never, never, ever, let a woman dictate your level of importance to you.

I remember being worried over feeling jealous at the sight of the Journalist getting a hug from a guy– worried because it meant I was slightly pedestalizing her, and suffering from attachment. That conversation killed that once and for all. Thank God. My time is running out, and the last thing I need to do is pine over a woman who would treat me like my time is less important than hers.

Never sell yourself short. Ever.


Why am I reposting “The Wife Whisperer”?

June 29, 2010

Because Twilight is a teenybopper film with vampires thrown in for the hell of it!!!

Reposted from In Mala Fide:

This guest post was submitted by Laura Grace Robins of Full of Grace, Seasoned with Salt. If you would like to submit a post to In Mala Fide, check out the guidelines for contributions and then email me via the contact form, subject line “Guest Post”.

Well, I’m going to get some heat for this one, but the analogy is worth pointing out. I can’t help watching the Dog Whisperer show without seeing that a husband can also apply the same techniques to his wife. The major theme that Cesar Millan tries to get across is that as a dog owner you need to show that you are the leader of the pack and that you want your dog to be in a “calm and submissive” state. Hmmmmm, sounds familiar, huh? Discussions from my post, “Submitting Love,” got me to thinking if only there was a ‘wife whisperer’ who could come in and teach husbands how to get a handle on their wives. Below, I will offer some suggestions that are adapted from Cesar Millan’s techniques.

If you are offended by my woman/dog analogies, please don’t start barking at me. It only proves my point. After all, how did women get referred to as ‘bitches’ in the first place?

Here is a clip where Cesar discusses how to give affection to a dog. As you watch, every time he says “dog”, put in “wife” instead. I think you will notice some curious similarities.

If you are only giving “heart and body” in your affection, you will be “dragged all over the place and she won’t care.” Sound familiar? Therefore, you also have to give “mind.” Notice the dog at the 1:53 mark. He says in that state, you can shower on all the affection you want, because she is being “calm and submissive”. He says most people share affection when the mind is, “excited, aggressive, tense, fearful, panicky, unstable; people unfortunately have a tendency to share affection in order to calm the mind down–that only intensifies the behavior. It says “I agree with that behavior”. So, in other words, when your wife is excited, aggressive, tense, fearful, unstable, etc., don’t share affection, it only intensifies the behavior.

The best thing to do may be just be to walk away and let the unstable moment pass until she then assumes the ‘calm and submissive’ state. At that point, lay on the affection. It’s positive reinforcement. The current cultural assumption is that when a woman is exhibiting any of those unstable traits, that you are suppose to console and comfort her. A man would be considered heartless if he walks away. Usually he is also considered heartless if he stays and says the wrong thing. So, what is a man to do? Often you just can’t win with either and unstable dog or woman.

I think it also depends on whether she is throwing a hissy-fit over something trivial or whether there is some tragedy going on such as: a death in the family, loss of job, etc. In those cases, affection is appropriate and timely. I am not saying that men should never give affection to their wives; I’m saying, “only at the right time”.

Here I found an article called, “How to Control Your Dog’s Behavior by Being a Pack Leader”. Below, I took some parts from that article and everywhere they wrote “dog,” I swapped in “wife/woman.” Some parts don’t apply, like “How to Put on a Choke Chain.” Believe it or not, I am NOT advocating that. Regardless, give it a read and you will see that it eerily makes sense. My extra thoughts are put in parentheses.

How to Control Your Wife’s Behavior by Being a Pack Leader

Is your wife doing a behavior that you don’t approve of? Does she pull you around? Do you feel that you can’t control her? Is it hard to take items (pretty things) away from her without being bitten (not literally of course)? To solve all the symptoms, we must get to the root of the matter. Your wife is most likely thinking that she is the pack leader, or at least she is confused about who is the pack leader. When you claim leadership, the wife is free and content to be a happy willing follower.

1. Good Reasons to be a Pack Leader

* Your wife will remain well-behaved, even around other women who may or may not be.
* Your wife will learn to respect your possessions.
* Reduces constant barking (or whining).
* Your wife will be less anxious and nervous.
* Your wife will be happier and more content.

2. Learn to Think like a Woman

* Realize that there are some areas where women do think like men, and some areas where they do not. This is important because often men will reinforce negative behavior without knowing it.
* Realize that women live in the present much more than men do. Just because a woman has done something for a while, doesn’t mean that she can’t change. In the same way, just because a woman has had a tough upbringing, or might have been abused, doesn’t mean that she can’t be rehabilitated into a loving, calm wife.
* Women do not have guilt or pity in their mindsets/thinking. If a man expresses these emotions, a woman will interpret them as weakness.
* Women can be given affection without being touched. A look can also convey affection.
* Women have different levels of excitability that they progress through. A problem woman that goes into a frenzy in certain situations cannot be corrected when she has reached her highest level of intensity. You must correct at the lower levels to prevent her from becoming out of control.

3. Learn the Pack Mentality

* Women have a pack mentality (or herd mentality). If you have a wife, you are a member of the same pack that she is.
* If a husband shows weakness when he first brings her into their pack, the wife will often try to become the pack leader herself.
* There will always be a pack leader. If you make sure that it is you, then you’ll be able to control your wife in any situation because they will look to you to see how they should react.
* A woman will try to become the pack leader if no one else is.
* Consider women in a pack (think women and their girlfriend cliques; think how one woman in that group always tends to be the leader and the other women follow whatever she does). Women are happier when they know their place in the pack. Your wife will be more content and happy when you consistently behave like a pack leader. If you allow your wife to be leader in the home, but want to be the leader in other areas, you will frustrate your wife. (The trick, as a husband, is becoming that one popular woman in the girlfriend clique who she will follow around).
* A pack leader … (I recognize some of these are more a wife’s realm, deciding about dinner, etc.)
Decides where the pack will go.
Decides when the pack will eat.
Decides who gets what food.
Decides who is allowed to bark (whine) and when (if at all).
Decides when the pack is allowed to play (decides when to separate business from pleasure).
* Decides what the pack is allowed to play with (decides who are appropriate friends that will exert good influences).
Decides how other members of the pack must behave (decides how the family should behave).
Decides who owns what.
The rest of the pack is not resentful of how this works. To them, it is normal. If you modify your behavior to fit to this model (when relating to your wife), your wife will be content because her pack is working the way her instincts say it should. ( I think that is particularly interesting, about how her instincts say it should work, NOT how society says it should).
When pack leaders correct children in their pack, they are rarely aggressive, but just assertive. Men must learn this combination of calm assertiveness to master their role as the pack leader

4. Be Calm and Assertive When Dealing with Your Wife

* Assertive is different than aggressive.
* If your wife knows voice commands, use them:
o Only in firm tones.
o Don’t use a high-pitched voice.
o Don’t speak in a cutesy voice, like you would to a baby.
o Do not speak in anger.
o Don’t say it as if you are asking the wife a question.
o If you give a command and you know your wife is purposefully ignoring you, stop giving the command, you’re just making it worse.
* If you have seen Star Wars, the “Jedi mind trick” is a good example of calm assertiveness. Not the waving of hands, but the firmness and calmness of the tone of voice.

5. Be the Pack Leader

* A less dominant man can become the leader of many much larger and stronger woman. It is a matter of attitude, not physical power or strength.
* Ways you can convey to your wife that you are the pack leader:
o Exit the house first when you go out. Enter first when you go in.
o Sit at the head of the table.
* Let your wife know what behaviors you, as the pack leader, don’t like.
* Be consistent to correct any behavior that you don’t want. Your wife will be confused if sometimes you correct her, and sometimes you don’t.

Other Tips

* Be assertive, but not aggressive.
* Do not yell at your wife. If you think you have to, you are doing something wrong.
* Share affection as much as you want, but only when your wife is in a calm, submissive state of mind.
* Women usually want to please men. Be consistent, so they understand what you expect of them.
* Be consistent. It will help your wife learn more quickly, and help them to trust you.

The last thing I want to bring up is that Cesar will often give a dog a little pinch when it is misbehaving. So perhaps a little pinch or squeeze of the hand will also do the wife good. Out in public, if she is getting too loud or annoying, or simply just not being respectful, give her a little sign that that sort of behavior is not acceptable. Works for me, and has caused me to bite my tongue. Sometimes it is also just a look. Come to think of it, don’t pinch—that will get you a DV charge–ha!


I could have written that letter.

April 7, 2010

Obsidian posted this letter on his blog, and only half-way through, I found two thoughts racing through my head:

1) A sympathetic “Oh, you poor bastard”; and,

2) “I could have written this letter.”

Truly we live in a world run amok. I have experienced moments like those the author relates, and have heard stories from others just as bad (and in some cases–worse).

Ultimately, this is a letter of despair: “why bother?” is the rallying cry of those men who have decided to go omega, to just chuck the whole nasty mess and do without. It’s a bothersome question, one that a lot of people can’t answer. Lord knows, I’ve asked myself that question a number of times down through the years–and the only response I could muster was, “why indeed?”

But a wise man once told me, “Despair is a sin”, and the sin of despair has its opposing virtue: Hope. By all accounts, I should be lying in a palliative-care unit somewhere, drugged into a stupor by morphine as the race to see what would run out first–my cancer-ridden liver or my health insurance. Yet, here I am–alive, and kicking like a motherfucker. Where there’s a chance, there’s hope. You have to have faith that that one out of ninety-nine women will say yes, and that it will be worth it.

Mind you, it’s not all faith; part of the problem with the author of that letter seems to do a lot of reading about Game, but he hasn’t internalized any of what people like Roissy et al teach. I mean, consider the moment that his hook-up said “Do you think I just have sex with random people”?, he should have flipped the script and thrown her last minute resistance in her face (“No, I don’t; I thought you were into me. I’ll see you later.”, and then go back downstairs and sarged right back into the crowd.). All the theory in the world doesn’t mean shit if it isn’t tested and tried–you don’t go swimming without getting wet. It’s the whole point behind that proverb by Alexander Pope:

“A little learning is a dangerous thing;
drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring:
there shallow draughts intoxicate the brain,
and drinking largely sobers us again.”

Or, to put it in more colloquial terms: “Do, or do not! There is no try!”

Edit: Ok, having read some of the responses to the letter over at TOF, I realize my advice wasn’t the best–he should have said, “No, I don’t”, and gone for the kill. See why I’m not getting any? Live and learn.

It’s not like I’ve been having any more success that this kid–Mr. Wiggly is starving here, folks. But giving up now begs the question of why I should have survived cancer–what’s the point of going through all the pain of surgery and chemo if you’re going to live life in a dark hole in the ground?

Fuck that. I can do better. I fucken’ deserve better–and so does this guy, if he’d actually think about it. We all do. I have faith in that.

So, I’m going pub crawling this weekend. I’ll probably get shot down again; maybe I’ll get a slap in the face–the modern equivalent of a “red badge of courage”. Sooner or later, I’ve got to find that one-in-ninety-nine (or nine hundred ninety-nine)–I have to, dammit.

It ain’t much to have hope for, to have faith in–but it’ll do, for now.


We all seek our own comfort level.

March 20, 2010

A teacher once told me. “When things go bad, we all want to go home, to the place where we feel safe. We all seek our own comfort level.” Reading Ferdinand’s Infidelity and prole drift post, I think that may be what was behind Jesse James’ infidelity with Michelle McGee, I think that might be what happened: things were beginning to go south in the marriage between Sandra Bullock and James, and he sought out the familiar to take comfort in. The fact that he was previously married to porn star Janine Lindemulder lends strength to my theory.

I mean, lets face it, Ferdinand and Bob Belvedere are right–would you trade this:

Sandra Bullock Blacklund

For this?:

Michelle McGee

At first blush, fuck no. But if the first woman won’t go horizontal with you, while the second says, “You can put it in here, and here…and here…”, even a man who utterly loathes tattoos and piercings is going to say, “Well, maybe…”.

It’s not always a question of options–sometimes it’s a question of who makes you feel like you’re at home.

There’s a lesson for women in this, as well: if you want to keep him from seeking comfort elsewhere, provide him with what he wants at home. You can’t treat a man as an accessory. You wouldn’t expect a cat to stick around if you neglected it–why expect it of a man?

And for those of you who might think, “She’s better off without him”, is she better off with the world wondering why she couldn’t keep her man at home? If women marry bad boys, and the bad boys end up straying, no matter how much you blame the man for straying, the fact remains–she failed to tame him, and that’s a failure that she’s going to have a hard time living down.


And the worm does, indeed, turn…

February 18, 2010

Duke lacrosse accuser charged with attempted murder, arson

Durham, N.C. — Durham police late Wednesday arrested the woman who four years ago falsely accused three Duke University lacrosse players of raping her.

Crystal Mangum assaulted her boyfriend, set his clothes on fire in a bathtub and threatened to stab him, investigators said.

I wonder how many of Crystal’s feminist supporters will try to blame this on the boyfriend.

(Tip o’ the hat to Kathy Shaidle for the link.)


Why I believe women who oppose Game are talking out their ass…

February 18, 2010

“Think about how amazing it would be if someone who possessed all the qualities of your ideal fantasy figure came into your life and seduced you. You would love it.”~Arden Leigh, A Weapon of Mass Seduction

All women have a fantasy object–a love/lust figure against which all men are measured. The figure might be modeled after a real-life male in that woman’s life (her father, a teacher, etc.), or be entirely cut from whole cloth (such as the male characters of any Harlequin romance novel); whatever the source, the point is that this is their ideal man–their Alpha–against which all men must compete. It is the reason why women are always ready to trade-up–women will always pursue their fantasy over reality, because reality always disappoints in some way or fashion. (Men are no different in that they have a fantasy love/lust object–but where they do differ is that they are not the gatekeepers of sex, and that limits their ability to trade-up in the same fashion as women.) This also works against women, because no fantasy figure (just as no Utopia) is a completely realizable thing: all men are changeable, and therefore flawed, and consequently are not able to measure up to an unchangeable ideal.

Game allows men to produce (or to fake) those characteristics that women look for in their fantasy figure, allowing women to indulge–however briefly–in their fantasy, and no woman is opposed to her own fantasy. What woman would, as Ms. Leigh points out, trade the excitement of a man who hit all the touchstones of her desire, when that is the very thing she is looking for? When women speak out against Game, what they are really doing is refusing to acknowledge that their fantasy is unachievable as a real-world condition–that Man is un-perfectible and flawed. But, then again, what is the alternative–constantly turning down the real for that which doesn’t–and can’t-exist? How many women have done just that, and hit the Wall–only to regret that which they have passed up? It is a classic example of the perfect being the enemy of the good.

God Lord–I think I just characterized Game as a public service.

Standard caveat: I am polishing off a few bottles of Bacardi left over from a party, and may be punching above my intellectual weight class on this.